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____________________________________________________________________ [ 8:. - [ Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles ] [chris] :. ] [chris@b0g.org] :. ] ____________________________________________________________________ Foreword Welcome children, welcome. This the story of a group of 4 turtles - predecessors of the well known Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Yes, hiding in the depths of the alleyways in New York City - are the Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles. Because of their extremely dark complexions, they were shunned by the city, the state, the world. Indeed, we can all look past the species.. but black people have no place above the grounds here in the U.S.! On to the T.M.N.T. chronicles... Before we begin let's take a quick looks at the characters.. The left column are the original characters and the right column are the 'niggerized' characters. ________________________________ Donatello - Coonatello Leonardo - LowRideO Michaelangelo - MickeyJigallo Raphael - Crackael Shredder - ShitNigga Splinter - Splinter-X Rocksteady - CrackBaby Bebop - 8-ball April - Aprilneeka Krang - Crank Casey Jones - Jerry Curl _________________________________ Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Niggers smoking crackpipes.. Turtle power! They're the world's most trashy, scumbag team (We're really hip!) They're niggers in a half-shell, they're not clean (Hey - get a grip!) When the evil ShitNigga attacks These Turtle boys shoot him in the back! Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles.. Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles.. Splinter-X taught them to be a ninja team! (He's a radical Paki!) Coonatello deals, LowRideO pimps his steel! (That's a fact, Jack!) Crackael is a nigger jew! (Gimme a break!) MickeyJiggalo is a nigger too! (Party!) Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles Niggers smoking crackpipes.. Turtle power! Scene 1 - The CrackPad Our Teenage Nigger heroes (Coonatello, LowRideO, MickeyJiggalo, Crackael) lie in the west side of New York City, conversing with their Muslim leader Splinter-X. Their crackpad, coated in grime and nigger residue, has long since been shut down and quarantined. Deep inside the bowels of the confinement, they hide in the shadows, dealing crack to young nigger children and shooting themselves full of heroine. LowRideO: Hey yo nigger! Pass me some of dat shit! MickeyJiggalo: Fuck ya'll man. This shit be mine homes. Splinter-X: Please, you all must learn to live in harmony with the world and help people. Coonatello: Shut yo nappy rat ass up. Coonatello pulls out his .44 and caps the Paki in the head. Coonatello: Motha Fucka! He been holdin us back ya'll! Look where we at! We in some fucking shitty crackhouse where no one be comin to! We need to get our shit out on the street niggaz! Crackael: DIIIIID SOME-SOME ONE SAY A MOTHERFUCKING WORD CRACK MOTHA FUCKAZ? I HEARD CRACK@#^@^! MickeyJiggalo: Shut yo fool head up, man. You caint be consuming all our shit that's why we ain't neva make no money sellin crack fool! Crackael: DIIIIID SOME-SOME ONE SAY A MOTHERFUCKING WORD CRACK MOTHA FUCKAZ? I HEARD CRACK@#^@^! With that, the turtles leave their crackpad and venture on to the streets of New York City. Scene 2 - NYC Streets LowRideO: Aiight Niggaz. This how it's going down: Coon, you take the abandoned warehouse on 1st street, Mickey, you take the whole road the 32nd Precinct is on, Crackael.. you take the school, and I'll take the Abandoned warehouse on 2nd street. We'll meet back at dis motha fucka in 5 hourz! Crackael, being the brains of the group speaks up of the flaw in the plan. Crackael: MAN.. WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING BOUT SMACK NIGGA FUCKA??!?$^@ YOU-YOU-YOU CAIN'T BE SENDING M-ME TO NO SCHOOL GROUNDS.. NO BUSINESS WILL BE THERE MOTHA RICE PICKA! LowRideO: Good thinkin yo! You take the abandoned warehouse on 3rd street! With that they dispurse and strut to their locations. 5 hours later.. The turtles regroup and calculate their profits. LowRideO: Yo Crackael! What - What the fuck happened to MickeyJiggalo and Coonatello yo?! Crackael: YO MAN!! I-I DUNNO YO! FUCKIN YEAH SHIT RICE PICKERS DISSAPEARED MOTHER FUCKA! Suddenly, a figure appears atop the winding trail of worn pavement. The sun is setting, casting the figure in a black shadow. As he draws nearer, LowRideO notices he's dragging something rather heavy with him.. LowRideO: Coonatello! What the fuck - MickeyJiggalo! What the fuck happened yo? Coonatello: Man, you sent this motha fucka to the cop street! 2 minutes into a deal these blues pull out a shotgun and cap his ass! LowRideO glances down at Mickey and notices he's gushing nigga blood all over the place. LowRideO: How many times did those fuckas shoot him?! Coonatello: I don't know mang! I heard about 41 gunshots yo! I had to drag his 467 pound fat ass all the way from 1st street! MickeyJiggalo: A-A-Avenge my death.. ni-niggaz.. With that a dark stream of blood trickles from his mouth and he takes his last breath. LowRideO: Yo, let's get the fuck out of here man! With the emerging sirens in the background, the 3 remaining turtles head back to their crackpad to develop a better plan. Scene 3 - Back at the CrackPad Coonatello: Mang, yo, g, homie, funk.. I don't know what the hell went wrong wit dat plan, yo. LowRideO: Me either, fucka! It was fool-proof! Three abandoned warehouses and a cop street mang! Jerry Curl: You need to visit more populated area, man! The turtles turn in surprise to the voice.. A well dressed white man, with gold decorating himself all over, stand in the door frame. LowRideO: Who the FUCK is dis chump ass white boy? Jerry Curl: This CHUMP can make your nigger ass some money, in return for a few favors. Coonatello: Mang, what you talkin about, we doing fine! LowRideO: Shut up! What favors do we need to do? Jerry Curl: You'll be slaves, picking cotton on my plantation. LowRideO: What can you do for us, mang? Jerry Curl: I can pay you in small amounts and make you work long tedious hours with little food. Coonatello: Man, we already got all that! We wan't sumtin else you crack fool! Crackael: DIIIIID SOME-SOME ONE SAY A MOTHERFUCKING WORD CRACK MOTHA FUCKAZ? I HEARD CRACK@#^@^! Jerry Curl pulls out his .357 magnum and shoots Crackael in the forehead. He drops to the ground with a thud. Jerry Curl: First we rid ourselves of the crack head. The two remaining turtles glance at each other in horror and remain quiet. Jerry Curl: Now, get in my car boys, we're going for a ride. Don't forget to sit on the plastic you niggers! With that, the three pile into Jerry Curl's 1995 Buick LeSabre. Jerry Curl: Actually, get in the trunk you fools. You're already stinking my car up! Keep reading b0g for part two of the Teenage Mutant Nigger Turtles chronicles! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!