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____________________________________________________________________ [15:. - [ Ugly Chick's Guide To Getting A Man ] [begezze] :. ] ____________________________________________________________________ Ok, begezze's guide for ugly chicks to get guys. This should be simple, I am a guy and have had my fair share of ugly chicks. Many of these methods have not been tested .. but they would work on me, so I am pretty sure they would work for most guys. There are a few factors that will change the outcome of this. If you are very, very fat you will only be able to give head, guys don't like screwing fat chicks. If you are very unpopular some guys will not even talk to you, this is because they are idiots and judge people on that crap. If you have alot of friends and talk to them and spread rumors this is a BAD THING. I'd much rather screw an ugly chick with no friends who isn't going to tell anyone about it than the town gossip telling everyone exactly what happened. A guy will pretty much screw anything if they know that no one else will ever hear about it. With these things in mind here are some ways even the ugliest of girls can have a chance of scoring with an average guy. Do things guys like. Drink beer, watch sports, listen to the same kind of music as them, know computers, talk about sex, and just hang out. A girl who drinks beer is awesome in my eyes, I don't know why they are.. but they are. Also, if you drink you can tell the guy you want "hey, I got some beer over at my house, lets go drink it." If you think this won't work, you are wrong. Guys will go after any free beer possible. Girls get free beer all the time, so it's no big deal to them, but if a guy gets free beer he's gonna go after it! Also, when a guy is drunk he will screw anything.. anything. Don't get the guy too drunk though, they won't be able to get hard and they will just sit there semi-passed out (not fun for you). Just keep talking about sex and talking about sex and how you like to have sex and that you think he is sexy and you'd like feel his cock. Girls don't like it when you say "let me see your cooter", but a guy will let you see his cock if you flash him or if you play a game with him. Try playing this little game, it's called "nerves". What you do is you try to make the other person nervous, when they are they lose. So you like slowly feel his chest and go down to his belt then slowly undo it. You keep playing until you don't have a shirt and he is feeling your boobs, or until you have his dick out and hard. Just be a fucking slut. Guys don't care when they are drunk or alone, sit on his lap, tell him you love sex, tell him that your parents are gone for the night. Change into your night outfit.. dont' be in jeans or anything like that. Or another sure thing is dance with him. After 2 songs of grinding he'll want you for sure. Now if the one night stand thing doesn't work out you can try to slowly get him to like you. This is more complicated and pretty much depends on luck. Where as the other one is totally guaranteed. But as I said earlier be into the same things he is. I once hated a girl and thought she was annoying. Then she came and talked to me about a band I liked and said that she just installed linux and needed some help. After like a week of talking to her about stuff I liked I thought she was cool. Of course she wasn't bad looking, but even if she was I would have got with her just because she was so cool and she said anytime I wanted a blow job I could have one. This is key, give out blow jobs. No matter how ugly you are if you give blow jobs like a crazied druggy you'll get the guy you want.. no matter how ugly you are. Also another technique that seems to work is to let him see you all the time for like a week, then stay away from him for awhile (2 weeks). He will think about you and when you think of things in the past they are always better than they really were. Also he will probably be like "I could be fucking her right now.. damnit, why didn't I do it when I had the chance." So like the next time you see him you could get him no problem. JUST BE SLUTTY WITH HIM. So in conclusion, even the ugliest chicks can get a guy by doing the following: beer alone at your house, liking the same things he does, be interested in him, don't be into silly girl things like cheerleading or your nails, don't be stuck up, have cool hair, be fucking crazy (but not a psycho), don't be slow and romantic and kissy kissy, and the number one thing: BE VERY SLUTTY WITH HIM!!! Hope some girl is getting some from the man of her dreams because of this article. (note: the guy might not want to sleep with you more than once.. don't be a bitch and freak out and cry or anything) If you want to be a girlfriend to this guy.. be nice all the time, don't cry over everything, cook good food, give lots of back rubs, give lots of blow jobs, and read b0g!!@#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! 33 ways to be annoying 1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17-inch paper, 99 copies. 2. Sit in your yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." 4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it with your pen while talking to others. 5. Sing along at the opera. 6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think" 8. Practice making fax and modem noises. 9. Highlight irrelevant material in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss. 10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. 11. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. 12. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the cartridge across the room. 13. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. 14. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." 15. Staple papers in the middle of the page. 16. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. 17. Honk and wave to strangers. 18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. 19. TYPE ONLY IN UPPERCASE. 20. type only in lowercase. 21. don t use any punctuation either 22. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. 23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." 24. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. 25. Try playing the William Tell Overture (The Lone Ranger Theme) by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce, "No, wait-I messed it up," and repeat. 26. Ask people what gender they are. 27. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. 28. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." 29. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. 30. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. 31. Ask your coworkers mysterious questions and then scribble the answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles." 32. Tell your friends 4 days prior that you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood 33. Send this list to everyone in your email address book even if they sent it to you or asked you not to send things like this. b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!