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[ 9:. - [ How to hack the planet ] [wh0rde] :. ]
[wh0rde@b0g.org] :. ]
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Design and layout: wh0rde
Implementation and coding: wh0rde
Final production stage: wh0rde
Overview and editing: wh0rde
Idea, thought processes: wh0rde
Inspiration: Angelina Jolie, tak's mother
Idea: I thought it would be totally awesome if we just like hacked the planet
dude. Think of it! We could like control shit and stuff with our computers!
Wouldnt that just kick ass? We could dial into TV stations and control
broadcasts, dial into banks to give ourselves all this money, we could capsize
boats in the water, we could even download the entire contents of every /tmp
directory and call it a garbage file! WOULDNT THAT FUCKING ROCK? Well I was
sitting home smoking a big fat joint and came up with this idea: lets find a
Gibson, and hack it, and just like totally own it, and once we did that we will
have triggered something that makes us be able to hack the planet! Maybe we
could even make some fuckin cool virus worm thing called Piccaso, or maybe
Michaelangelo, or Da Vinci or something, to make it sound like we have artistic
abilities!
Design: First we need to get a bunch of guber-elite people from shady
underground hacking coffee-shops and give ourselves nicknames. I think Ill be
wh0rde, since my nick is already wh0rde. I could find these other k-rad people
like obsolete, bob, tak, prae, pac, grid, and niemand1 and have them join me! I
could name obsolete "h4qR," bob could be "k4y r4d b0bby," tak could be "fUq-N-
MorMoNZ-R_uGLy," prae could be "b00typ1r4t3," pac could be "Z3r0 c00l," grid
could be "p4q3t-f4gg0t," and niemand1 could be "s3r14l ch41nsm0q3r." Then we
could go have elite hacker contests and harass police officers! Then when we got
in trouble we would have an ace up our sleeves: the GIBSON! Ill code this thing
g1bs0n.c where it randomly guesses passwords (with 100% accuracy) then downloads
the /tmp directory. Wouldnt that be cool?
Implementation: Well first I started prank calling the police station, but they
came over to my house and beat the shit out of my with their batons, and ripped
out my telco box, so that didnt go too well. I then went over to obsolete's
house and tried to wardial the entire area code for elite numbers to call up,
but his mom came in and started bitching that we were wasting money and should
just use the phone book, so we did and called up pizza hut and had them deliver
100 pizzas with everything on them to his house, it was so funny! Then the
pizzas came, which was weird, because theyre not supposed to do that, it was
only a prank, and I tried to explain it to them but they kicked our asses and
took obsolete's computer for the money they needed. We went over to bob's house
and called up a bunch of gay porn lines to get them to call the police station,
but the 900 numbers kept eating up money on the phone bill and bob was starting
to talk to the guy operators and touching himself so me and obs left for tak's
house. His mom answered the door and wanted to know if we wanted free head, but
shes this nasty ugly thing so we just ran around back and yelled for tak to
come out. He came out and we went over to prae's house, but his dad said he was
busy "cleaning out my pipes" whatever that means, so we went to pacs house and
chilled there. He had AOHELL so we were hacking a bunch of people on AOL, when I
found this mailbomber and we started mailbombing people, which was elite. We
found this guy in private room "Gibson" with a gibson, so we used telnet.exe and
connected to him, and somehow we kept guessing account and one that we guessed
"aDnDNfdeEzE*3j^ajdjsdfnmSAD" with password
"asdfsdSDJFSDsdfhktherWE35123%9snj3s" worked, so we went to the /tmp directory
and downloaded all this stuff to our 0hday ftp server which had AOHELL on it. We
found out that this guy stole our idea for the virus and was using it to steal
all this money, because in the tmp directory there was this file "note-to-self"
which said:
---------note-to-self----------------------------
Note to self:
Dont tell anyone about super secret virus that takes the companies money and
sticks it in the Cuban bank with account number 2352352353135233.
Also: call up tak's mom.. damn she gives good head
---------note-to-self----------------------------
So now what do we do. Well, we hack the planet! This dudes obviously hacked the
planet first, so we have to hack the planet FROM him.
Procedure: We go on IRC into #hackphreak, #cha0s, #hackers, and #linuxsex and
drop this guys docs. Everyone logs in and runs their own elite viruses that do
funky stuff like eat stuff and have sex with each other. Then, soon the Gibson
cant handle all the processes and crashes, thereby hacking the planet from this
guy, killing his virus, and getting the money! Hell yeah! Only problem is that
we dont have enough elite programs, so we have to write some. First we'll go
with the "replicating" or fuckmonkey program. Save it as fuckmonkey.pl and chmod
+x it.
#!/bin/bash/perl
$blah = cos(3.35235233);
while( 1 ); {
$blah=cos($blah);
`~/fuckmonkey.pl' }
#---end---#
Now just run that sucker on the Gibson (assuming it has perl installed). Hack
the planet! So now that we crashed the Gibson and took over the bank account
(long unnecessary story involving tak giving a lot of head), were rich and
sitting on top of the world. I dont want to bore you with the whole taking over
the government etc thing, the main point is we hacked the Gibson, now we own the
world. Of course bullies still kick bob's ass but thats a different story
entirely.
b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!
b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!
b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!
b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!
b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!