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____________________________________________________________________ [ 4:. - [ Guide to Mostly Harmless Masturbating ] [tiller] :. ] [tiller@digitalhackers.com] :. ] ____________________________________________________________________ I'm writing this for you today to illustrate the importance of good masturbation. Philosophy wise, masturbation has the ability to lessen teen pregnancy. Others believe it's a sin due to the explicit nature of thoughts as you masturbate. But today we will demonstrate the different aspects of enjoying those thoughts. First hand position: The "Fist" The fist is widely used, and popular amongst the teenage individuals. The fist method is the base for many other methods, like the "rocker," or the "double fisted willy choker." The key to good fist action is in the wrists. Many young individuals, not very experienced like myself, use their upper arm and run short of breath by the time of ejaculation. Another trick to good fist action is a tight grip. Don't grab too tight, otherwise it starts to hurt, but a comfortable grip will do. This is where the "double fisted willy choker" is useful. The double fisted willy choker uses two hands, one hand grips penis, and the other wraps around securing the grip. This allows the masturbator to relax his main hand, and still keep a tight grip. Using the double fisted willy choker, you can go into a transition into the "rocker." The rocker is very useful for those short of breath. To do the rocker, stand up, start off with the double fisted willy choker, and then jump up and down relaxing your arms, allowing the weight of your arms to do the masturbating for you. The Second hand position: The "Simulated Camel Toe" The simulated camel toe is not widely used, due to it's complexity, and requirement for flexibility. This method is done by placing both index fingers together, and both thumbs together. Now make the hole as large as needed. Some prefer tight, but as you've noticed, making a small hole requires too much flexibility, which is uncomfortable. The simulated camel toe can then alter to perform the "sandwich." The sandwich again requires two hands; fortunately flexibility is not a problem. To perform the sandwich, it's like clapping your hands, except in this case, there's something in the middle. The Third hand position: "Fakie" Fakie is the "fist" method, in reverse. By this I mean your thumb and forefinger should be facing down. The fakie is useful in the sense, that some people get arm cramps. This method uses different arm muscles, allowing pain free masturbation. The Forth position: "Couch Crack" This is not exactly a hand position, but famous non the less. The couch crack utilizes the crack between the cushions of your couch. To execute this method, just stick it between the crack, and start humping. Brown Finger Fist Action The following position gives you that little more satisfaction. To get the best out of this position i recommend that you are on a bed, couch, and you have a pair of gloves (i prefer a clear kind) Firstly you need to slap your penis around to get it hard. Once your penis is hard you must gently tug on your penis for about 10-15 seconds, now you place your left index finger (if your right handed) into your anus. Slide your finger in and out gently while u continue to tug on your penis gently. After about 30 seconds the average person will reach there climax and blow there load. I like to describe this as the most satisfying masturbation known to man. *warning* using moms cleaning gloves is never a good idea. Newbie note: Doing any methods mentioned above, while spectators witness such an act of stupidity, will get you in the front page of your local newspaper. You could go to jail warning: And yes, they will charge you for indecent exposure. I recommend you think before you act, otherwise, you'll be sharing a jail cell with some guy named Spike, who doesn't have to masturbate, he's got you to bend over for him now. There is more to masturbating than just different ways of doing it. There is the element of 'where' you do it. The excitement of the different places of masturbating is overwhelmed by the many different public locations in your area. Location Number One: Your Bed Your bed is the most basic location of masturbation. The only difficulties that you may encounter are that the bedsprings can be loud. Instead of on your bed, I suggest you masturbate on the floor. This will eliminate the sound of bedsprings, allowing you to stay stealth. Location Number Two: The Parent's Bed This could be difficult to manage, although the experience is always something to tell your kids (or maybe not, unless you want them to masturbate on your bed). Of course you would do this while they are gone, so stealth is not necessary. Location Number Three: The Closet The closet is always nice for the daytime urges, which may overcome your self- discipline. If you have to masturbate during daylight hours, the closet allows hiding from any neighbors that might see you otherwise through the window. Although the closet provides visual stealth, sound may be a predicament if your closet walls are connected to any rooms in the house. Location Number Four: Pools/Hot Tubs/Lakes These three locations are a luxury. Not many individuals can masturbate in a pool, but if you ever have a chance to, it's the greatest. Just make sure no one sees you doing this, other wise, this could prove to be very embarrassing. Location Number Five: The Shower The shower is the next best thing to a pool, hot tub, or a lake. The shower provides the soothing hydro pulsating massage therapy, while your masturbating to the chick you saw last night. The great part of "showerbating" is the fact that any noise you make will be drowned out by the water. "Bathbating" on the other hand is great and all, but stealth is a requirement. Experiment with the many locations in your area. In conclusion, we have discovered the many ways of self-pleasure. We have also established the fact that whom ever thinks it's a sin to masturbate, doesn't know how fucking great it is to shoot a wad six feet in the air, and have it land on the bulls eye on the piece of paper lying at your feet (this game might go in my next guide). b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@! b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!b0g!#@!